Thursday, 24 November 2016

Chronicle of a Death Foretold

We aren’t writing about the investigations into the disappearance of Madeleine McCann or any possible suspects: we don’t want to prejudice a legal process that is working in a most satisfactory way.

David James Smith

Safe With Us

Remember those wonderful claims that the MSM used to make about the difference between itself and the dirty little net?
Kier Simmons and David James Smith were just two of the loudest shouters –  people tend to shout when fleeing a collapsing building – about  the MSM giving  you a sort of John Lewis warranty free with every story. Why, they all claimed, with those disgusting, mad, internet tales you’re on your own, at the mercy of any nutter’s inventions, while the MSM is a proper organization, you know, like an Oxford college or a civil service department: archives, researchers, intensive training,  tradition, a reputation to protect, answerability and ethics.  
What a load of old shit that was, but frightened people say strange things, don’t they? Simmons, of course, is emblematic of almost everything that’s wrong with television news, as anyone knows who watches the shockingly trivial kids'  magazine junk that ITN pushes out at 10PM every night;  and the Times never told us why these warranties didn’t protect people from David James Smith’s hidden McCann  promotion  [an indispensable insight to it can be found here]
Ethics Man
Or, to take the most obvious example,  how did those lofty standards and structures protect us against the green and stinking rotten meat that journalist Tony Parsons dumped in our laps  week after week in 2007, deifying a couple he knew literally nothing about and insulting in nauseating  terms the Portuguese, one of the most decent and civilized peoples in the world?   Had he received an education in the different European cultures or any real education at all?  No, of course not. Was he trained? Yes, on the job - at the New Musical Express, a pop promo-sheet aimed at other semi-literate teenagers. Ethics? No, f*****g Essex. Did he have a reputation to protect? Tony Parsons? Reputation?
Still, we can  stop rehashing  these old arguments because events are now moving so fast that the MSM itself dare not make them any longer. Instead they’ve gone for  the “Fake News”  stuff which, according to them, is a deadly virus infecting Facebook, Twitter and, of course, Breitbart and which, wait for it, may have saddled America with a madman. Oh, if only they’d listened to us!

Post-modern, innit?

Pull the other one. Twice in the last couple of weeks alone the London Times, David James Smith’s  old paper, has been caught inventing news on a huge scale, [ link here ] news which other, supposedly “quality”, papers as well as the broadcasters followed up noisily and in detail for days, despite having had  cast-iron evidence provided to them that it was fake. That's how it is now.
This tendency has been growing  for years but it’s the nervous breakdown induced by Brexit and now Trump that has revealed just  how the Death Ride of 2007 foretold things to come for the MSM: it is now a husk, hollowed-out by infiltrators cleverer than itself, spinning sensationalist “opinions” (inventions) around news agency tapes – just like Facebook clickbait sites. And it's skint.
Some warranty, eh? Everybody with any intelligence – and, granted, that leaves a few people out – uses the net. They use it carefully, if they’re interested in the facts or don’t want to get hurt –  both of which, as the Bureau never tires of pointing out to the Cesspit floaters, are the same thing. The net reflects the wild, often crooked and unsavoury chaos of life itself while the media image of life is pure fiction. People with sense, though, know that just as you can't use the media but only passively consume it, you have to use the net or else it will use you: result  Click and Regret!
Only the barmy or thick choose an hotel on the basis of a single Trip Advisor review: the rest of us know the site is crammed with shills, paid promoters, people with a grudge and all the rest of it. What do we do? We read a good selection analytically, use Google Earth if we want to, weed out the dross and about 99.99% of the time we end up in a hotel in the Alps with a view  as beautiful as its website pics suggest and no Tyrolean dancing. And the same goes for the rest of the net. In spades. But what about a hotel review in the travel pages of the MSM? The Times, say. How do we use or evaluate that? How do we claim on the warranty?

No Returns!

The real death sentence for the current MSM model is that you can’t use it because it's one-way and they deliberately hide everything you need to know. It’s not accountability that the MSM lacks, as  Scouser   Leveson insisted, it’s transparency - and that will never change now. We can suss out the dodgy Trip Advisor hotel write-ups most of the time but what can we do against a corrupt and obsolete culture of hiding everything that matters?

Like, in this trivial instance, who provided the hotel story? What perks did the journalist get? Was a PR company or other hollowing-out parasite involved?  Did  any of them  know the owner? Trivial, yes. But not trivial at all when the story’s not about an hotel but about a politician’s life and sexual tastes or a crucial vote or a couple of vulgar arguidos in a missing child horror case. When someone on the net - no names - makes a claim but can't produce evidence for it then at least we can follow it up and see the deception for ourselves - even if pointing it out to suckers is a waste of time. Yet  the MSM has got away with the "a source said" rubbish for decades without anyone condemning its obvious invitation to deceive.
And all that, of course, applies to David James Smith  and the Times when they so accurately foreshadowed the future of the MSM with the McCann story. They never made it clear how  Beyond the Smears was provided to the Times, never told us how  the couple’s PR spinners were involved, never told us what agreements, tacit or otherwise, had been made with the couple, never told us about the significant gaps in the narrative, never said what control the pair had over content. Most of all they never helped us with the  question that we now know matters most in the modern  information  world, the question that you need an answer to before doing anything, even reading on – why was it written? Whether on the net or the MSM, whether the subject is Bitcoin, Viagra,  Tony Blair or Brexit - why was it written? Who gains? 
That David James Smith article was in fact a trailer for all that  the MSM was to become. We didn't enter the media-created "Post-Fact World" in 2016. We glimpsed it in 2007 and it stank as much then as it does now. Then it was the stink of deception; now it's the  stench of MSM putrefaction as it rots away.  


Friday, 18 November 2016

In We Go

Jeff Sessions apparently being approached by a dark gentleman
The new United States attorney-general  will be  Jeff  Sessions, a 67 year old  son of an Alabama shop keeper who is unlikely to reassure the right-thinking inhabitants of New York, LA or the UK Guardian’s “news” room.
In a conference following the lynching of a black man by the Ku Klux Klan years ago Jeff said of the KKK “those bastards - I used to think they were OK but now I’ve found out they smoke marijuana!”   
Now Jeff's conference was pure Lenny, Lenny Bruce, founder of modern satire.   It was almost word-for-word one of his album   fantasy skits, in line with LBJ being unsuccessfully coached by advisers on how to pronounce the word “negro”, or with an airline pilot having a bad LSD trip at 30 000 feet, chucking the Boeing into side-flips and cackling into the intercom while the passengers scream, throw themselves into the aisle, wet themselves, attempt suicide etc. etc. 
Saintly Obama was making a tearful Farewell and Reassurance Tour to  Europe this week. As he addressed the assembled rulers perhaps he used that peculiar sing-song preacher’s call & response voice he slips into for black audiences on emotional occasions. "We'll keep the world safe - Amen! - Ahm handing over the chalice - Amen! - of rights and equality! - Amen! - to Mr Trump  [dead silence]" -  and in his earpiece he's being told that Good Ol' Jeff, who'd also been turned down as a judge for being "too racist" and tended to call black men "boy", is the new attorney-general. Ouch. Ouch!   We are clearly somewhere quite new: that was an aimed shot and  Trump is  a games player.
Even Lenny  never riffed on a presidential campaign where one contender stated that he was going to put the other in jail - that's playing for keeps, isn't it? Where the hot issue being debated was not the rust belt  or  Russia  but - pussy-snatching. At the Bureau we love the uproar that Trump has caused among the luvvies, the putrescent media and the Europolitik class and we also think it's time for lots and lots of  change. But it’s, well,  strange to find ourselves living inside a Lenny Bruce fantasy, all of which were unnervingly funny precisely because they could never actually happen.
Thank God the UK, at least, is getting out of the EU, rather than being chained to a dinosaur.  Some nimble footwork  is going to be needed over the next few years, first to establish the right distance –  no hugs! – between Trump and the UK,  then to make the most of the very real opportunities that his presidency offers and, lastly, to avoid the fallout when  The Donald  gets accident prone. That bit could be tricky for both the US and us but in the end both countries will be OK. 
The EU? Nope. The EU doesn't do nimble - except when claiming their expenses. So it's going to get hurt.
But still…living inside a Lenny Bruce meth and shit-smoking fantasy whether we want to or not. It is very, very, very weird.

Wednesday, 9 November 2016

The Bewilderment Industry

We aren’t writing about the investigations into the disappearance of Madeleine McCann or any possible suspects: we don’t want to prejudice a legal process that is working in a most satisfactory way.

What the MSM, led by the BBC, revealed about themselves in 2007 was that they had genuinely lost the ability to tell truth from fiction.
That, rather than the monopoly corruption  and their open-legged surrender to special interests,  is the reason the entire industry in its present form deserves to die. And by the MSM we don’t mean the joke villains like Murdoch or the BBC governors, so beloved of the internet plotters' and losers' club, but the people at the heart of the corruption and  self-deception – the journalists themselves and the editors that the journalists become. Journalists like the supposedly hard-nosed Alastair Campbell, (also Blair's "irreplaceable" spin mechanic)  whose latest diary reveals that for over ten years  until 2014 he believed without reservation that Lance Armstrong, whom he befriended,  was completely truthful and honest.  Being an uncouth bully does not mean you are hard-nosed.  
It was the Madeleine McCann Affair that revealed the extent of the MSM’s fall  when  they lapped up the lies that the McCann family told them, all of them spelled out by the Bureau for years but still never mentioned in the MSM, and then acted as though it didn't matter whether the couple were telling the truth or not. The whole Affair could be played as a game:  sceptical news about the couple on page one, favourable comment on page 10, day after day, week after week,  in which the public - the people who financed them - were just passive instruments. Which is what the PR industry - which had hollowed out the MSM like those wasps that lay their eggs to hatch and feed on living insects - had always believed. 
It was, as we said then, a Death Ride. No industry with any confidence or real belief in its role or  future  would have chosen such a madly self-destructive path.
And it was this vile betrayal of the public that earned the MSM our absolute and undying hatred and contempt. Now, nearly a decade later, their inability to analyse, interpret or understand themselves or what is going on around them has been revealed to the wider public by their utter bewilderment and disarray at Brexit and now Trump, the two biggest stories of the last half-century.
That is why it’s been an extraordinary pleasure  to read the reactions of this horrible, discredited but above all bewildered bunch to Donald Trump’s election. You can try and sell many things in the news industry - Hillary Clinton, hotels that bribe you with ski holidays, restaurants opened by friends, fear,  dodgy share tips, transgender upbringing hints, Lance Armstrong -  but the one thing you can't sell is bewilderment.
The UK Guardian’s coverage has been the best:  acres of tearstains followed by an appeal for funds from its readers because the paper is broke.
Good. Keep on dying with the rest of them. Painfully.

Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Designer Cupboard Sale in Aid of EDS Syndrome

In aid of the MM (McCann Malnourishment) Fund. These fine and interesting pieces have been donated by relatives of those  suffering from severe Long Term EDS (Evidence Deficiency Syndrome) which has resulted in retirement or disability. Please help now! 
Extremely dense and detailed construction lies behind this charmingly domestic Spanish Cupboard, carved by a small but brilliantly talented family who had been cut off from the outside world for a decade before succumbing to E-starvation. 
Small cupboards hidden behind drawer faces contain smaller "mystery"  cupboards and these in turn contain even smaller ones until the limits of vision and concentration are reached. A little miracle of invention  which even  Flann O' Brian  of Chippendale workshops would have been proud to claim his own. 
A few cracks began to appear over the last few years (visible top right). Unfortunately it holds less than you think.
A large circular table made by the same family has, tragically, been destroyed, possibly  by Death Watch Beetle.

Heritage cupboard, found only in USA, as the guns suggest. Note the overall effect of restrained good taste, particularly the drawer handles. Not an important piece but quaint.
Despite a specialist doctor being called in to assist in good time the owner was  too badly weakened by E-deficiency to carry on, while the  doctor himself succumbed to cross-infection. Much to our regret: a speedy recovery to all.   
Did you know?
That once administrative  expenses are covered  any money left over will be used to support people in need? Give your support now!
"People in need" is described and limited to those defined in our articles of association, available from our address which can be found on our website. The support will consist of   intensive nourishment in both solid and liquid form, including such high-protein but reasonably priced diet items as tinned Russian/Iranian  fish eggs and certain specified Italian fungi as certified by our medical panel. It will be  administered at qualifying dietary centres (also called restaurants) in London, Padstow, Lisbon (the Don Pedro Hotel Carve-Up), Paris, Portofino and Tokyo.  Due to the hygiene and cross-infection risk E-deficiency sufferers and their families are not eligible to attend.

This is an exceptional example of the JFAM design house style as can be seen from the memorial website to its earliest victims  Here

A prize winner in the recent London "Vulgarity" exhibition this crudely constructed but extremely post-modern example of the genre well represents  the content, thoughtfulness and good taste of its group members. Most of them are now believed to be dead due to E-Deficiency early onset and the curses of visual design guru Stephen Bayley. One of them, however, skilled multi-linguist Pedro Silva - for it is he - is known to be lingering  on somewhere in Scotland.


The Bonnybraes empty cupboard is seen to its best advantage here, in BB's bedroom overlooking the disused Auchtermuckie canal basin and tanning plant. M/S Brays, who has only limited mobility, apologised for the "untidy" state of her bedroom when we arrived unannounced to take pictures for the grand sale. As we laughingly reassured her, there was no need for apologies at all - it was exactly what we, and no doubt other fans of the Big Bad Brae, were expecting.
Fortunately she has not yet had to retire completely due to her condition. At present she comments vaguely on world affairs with her usual good sense and works with great enthusiasm, given her age and infirmities, as a beater for the Laird.
On Wednesdays at the  grouse shoot. Curiously she never mentions the case that made her famous all over the parish.
"Who?  Oh, the wee bairn. No, that's all behind me now."
An example to us all.
World-famous modern designers for children of every age before E-Deficiency struck, the Wayback Factory is now for sale, a sad reminder of its great days.  The numerous victims  have been causing concern to the NHS because they have been struck by Elective Mutism  Syndrome, a rare complication of EDS,  and have gone into seclusion.
"If only they could tell us where they are," said Betty (not her real name), a cheerful community nurse  from Batley, Yorks. "That way we could at least reassure them that there's nothing to be ashamed of, nothing at all. But they don't reply."
"Now why would that be?" we asked. But Betty was gone. 

This extraordinary picture comes from "A History of Locked Wards" by Edmund Spenser, FRCN.
They are not imprisoned but  opted to live in these specially designed  cupboards because of  a psychotic fear that abductors and alien policemen haunt their ward once the lights are  out. Inside  they feel relatively secure. In a manner of speaking. Between them the three have fifty seven different identities which is why they were known originally as "The Baked Bean Kids" to the nurses.
The lives of the latter were made more difficult at medication time since the drugs were labelled according to their identities that morning. By night-sedative time they refused to answer to the name on the label.
The patients pictured forty nine years ago now move freely around the wards with the aid of modern drugs while retaining a residual, but apathetic,  belief in the bogeyman fantasy. But they are helplessly malnourished.
A doctor writes:  "A tragic side effect of the EDS plague is  the frustration that comes with the lack of evidence nourishment and the excessive anger it creates. Attacks on anyone who wears a Portuguese police uniform, classy middle aged women who know how to use a knife and fork  and, bizarrely, innocent dog-walkers, are common and extremely disturbing."
The Ward is now threatened with closure due to the lack of patients.  
This is a fine example of Portuguese Colonial cupboard design. It is a Moraes, a very famous name in Portugal and overseas.
Its saleslady has gone into seclusion, yet another victim of the  E-Deficiency scourge and now lives behind a modern "Better Call Saul" hygienic cyber-barrier waiting for suitable nutrition to become available. Of course we wish her well.
A doctor writes:  "A tragic side effect of the EDS plague is  the frustration that comes with the lack of evidence nourishment and the excessive anger it creates. Attacks on anyone who wears the wrong  uniform, on middle aged women who have been luckier than themselves and, bizarrely, innocent blog-walkers, are common and extremely disturbing."
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