The Wayback Machine Rolls On...
Wayback Wanderers 0 - 5 Leicester
Bad Omens in Lisbon...
Lisbon 4 - Bury 0
Grange seems to have the answers...
Grange United 5 - 1 Chelsea Browns
Appeal by Missing People
Plymouth & Hyde Hoe – Arsenal
Paranoia Blues on the Costa Brava...
Whitehall Devils 0-7 Real Leif
Sad, sad, sad. But not unexpected.
Has-Beens 'R' Us...
Brighton & Hove Hopefuls 0 - Westminster Blues 2
Inside: Press Round Up
- Disgraced England Manager Sam Allardyce says "I was told that what I did was well within the bounds of responsible coaching." From The Mirror Page 20
- Allardyce "may undergo gender reassignment", according to wig shop owner. From The Guardian Page 22
- "Dead Man Walking" ex-PR Guru Clarence Mitchell says "There is an innocent explanation for everything Allardyce has done. Or not done. Which way's the exit?" From the Brighton Argus "Where are they now? feature. Page 31
- Croydon Tramway Murder Attempt - Celebrity film maker Rich Hall asks: "Did anyone see a flock of sheep acting suspiciously on the tramlines that night?" Now he believes they are out to kill Allardyce too. "That's why he had to flee to Spain." From UFOs Are Us Page 93
Expert Criminologist & Football Fan Lizzie Bung calls press conference with Media Advisor and Hotshot Lawyer/Unincorporated Association specialist Gordon Bennett. Page 16
"There is no proof the Stan Allardyce video exists," Bung says. "Or Mr Allardyce either." Asked by a wag if there is proof she herself exists she replies,"yes, there must be but I haven't thought it through yet." The Bureau says: Ask Rene Descartes. M/S Bung replies "I don't know any French footballers." Page 17
- Gordon Bennett QC said "I was inside the High Court not very long ago. Unfortunately I was in the dock. It's the way you tell them, you know. Here are my briefly summarised reasons why Mr Allardyce must be given a fair trial." Pages 64-128, pages 130-626, pages 628-1946, pages 1948-2525
- Wayne Rooney, who had wandered in, said to Mr Bennett, "you too could have hair like mine." Quick as a flash the QC replied: "You're banned!" "No," said Wayne, "I'm Wayne".
- All in unison: "PROVE IT!"